Tuesday, July 7, 2009


I laid in bed for a good hour and a half I suppose. I laid on my right, and it was uncomfortable. I laid on my left, and I could feel every movement Murphy was making. I tried my back, my breast began to suffocate my face, my lower back felt like it was splitting in half, and my pelvis was experiencing the most pressure I have ever felt through out this pregnancy. Nothing seemed to work either. I gave up on sleeping tonight. I may just have to wait until morning, when I'm extremely exhausted to just fall asleep.

I realized that I think too much right before I fall asleep. This may also be a reason why I can not sleep but sometimes, I can't help but think of whats going wrong in my life, when having my first child is supposed to "be a very happy" time in my life. Today I had to accept that I'm not going to be able to be a new mother and a full time college student this fall. I will have to wait until spring of 2010. I know it doesn't necessarily matter how long it takes me to finish college as long as I do it, but it sucks to see friends and people I went to high school with doing college stuff and knowing they will be done with in a year or two and I will still be getting started. I don't have much credits to go off of anyways.

Chad and I aren't struggling surprisingly for him being the only one working, and this is why I feel that we are so happy together. Don't get me wrong, we have the occasional argument, but its nothing that last more than a couple of hours at the most. Watching most young couples our age, who are also pregnant with their first child, I've noticed that many of them seem unhappy, and the relationship seems almost, forced. As if neither of the two really love each other anymore, its just routine in what they have to do in order to give this baby a "good" life. We have calculated, we were together for about a month at most before we got pregnant and let me tell you, it was not intentional. Chad isn't in college and has no intentions as of right now to exactly go to college. He was also not in the right state of mind when we met but, he matured very quickly and took full responsibility for our carelessness the minute we found out we were pregnant. I feel that this may have been when I fell in love with him. I'm not going to lie and say, "we were in so much love" because we weren't. We had been dating for a short amount of time and were still getting to know each other. We still are getting to know each other.

So here I am, its 2 in the morning, 35 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend, i guess you could call him fiance, is sleeping peacefully in the other room while I sit on the couch with my laptop in my face. And I can't think of anything I want more in life, than to just lay on my belly and go to sleep.

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